Diary 3

14/10/2014

Diary 3

Hi […],

You usually do not answer my messages or respond to my advances, even in person. I am taking a risk here bit if it is you, you will know, if not you can disregard this please. Some stuff got cut out.

Looks like people like […], […],  and […], etc please you and make you happy whenever you want. The usual guys that already get lots of girls and get more to choose from, obviously happy with the attention. You do not want to know what I think of people like that, I didn’t grow up with that.

I know I am not well socially, but was I always willing to hang out and chat under different settings. But people just want to judge based on social skills, and if not any good suffer tossed in the garbage bin. I know everyone has shortcomings, I know mine, and well it is about working with people, and actually communicating rather than ignoring, and testing people. Or this be an eloquent way to get rid of someone.

This could be a total stranger reading this. But I wonder how many people are involved in this and ‘know’. Tons of information on someone, it would be great to be in your shoes, and social circle to call the shots. Could be that I am just someone so you can laugh at me in my face and behind my back with this information.

I really believed in you and we could connect on some level, even had feelings, start off as friends/conversations then see exactly how the way things would progress. Based upon our few conversations months ago or even last year, seemed like you were nice, and friendly and assumed that you were not the most lucky in romance (back then probably changed now) based on our conversations.

I have not had romance or anything despite my on and off efforts and errors and not trying, going after the wrong people, when you see someone you like happier, blushing and going up and talking to others. In the end everyone says its my fault, we are dealing with humans here and their ideas.

Obviously its power in numbers, there is a lot more I can say, but it will never be accepted by the status quo, ‘cool people’, spoiled ones, etc. and most of all by you. I am just a useless pawn for women and yourself.

©14/10/2014 Rajinder

 

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