Bad Reaction

Bad Reaction

Last night I had a bad reaction to things…
long work week, didn’t sleep enough the night before, needed to vent.
I didn’t want to bother you. Was a general thing posting.
I’m also trying to come to terms that, online, girls usually don’t talk to me there, fb, online sites, in the passed they used to a bit, but not like I see with my friends, who are always txt girls who are their friends when we are out. It just seems like I’m not important, but to me you are and I am, with our email exchange!

I don’t have data, or a plan, but just a thought that occurred to me. I guess thats the way its going to be, and hence these emails… I do apologize again. I’m just a frustrated individual no matter what… something to work on…

I realize the being rejected part bothered me like with the Forever alone guy, I know people in the passed used to make fun of me about it.

Old workplaces too, even labeled me,
I worked at the movie theatre…
they used to call me something
most people. erodes oneself…
I guess thats the cost to being honest with people…

Another thing that bothered me was that on classifieds, every now and then someone will post things like, people on here have no confidence, you missed it too bad, but to me its still trying, when you randomly see that person, and wanted to talk but couldn’t, sure we’re not great socially, but its just like viewing classifieds, personals in the metro flyer, newspaper. I know, if I were to tell my close friends, about this they would make fun of me.. one knows that I did, and he’s used it too, the guy with the online dating profiles that I said I got him on some sites and he ended up with a few relationships.
There’s that life coach person who I was also in touch, he had some advice to give, but to me we’re social creatures.

I never did end up sending that message, even if just a simple, Hi how are you? nothing implied… they don’t answer they don’t.. probably won’t..

its a long story, she knows how I feel, so I think its awkward if I do that again and she doesn’t feel the same way again.. (I would feel awkward too if someone did that to me too). Sounds like i’m dumbdumb on my part… lol I was too oblivious to this before…
unless that’s changed, I wouldn’t know, my stubborn feelings are still the same, so just keep it secret 🙂
Hence I don’t really want to talk about about her to anyone
she knows where to find me, message me. Miracles don’t really happen lol, not in my life when to comes to romance haha,

I like to be childish sometimes hehe…

As for taking things slow I see no problem with that…
I would too, how I’ve never that comfy when someone touches me, or gets too close to me…  parents, siblings its okay… happens rarely…
I could only imagine how cuddling must feel, sitting on a sofa, blankets watching a movie and hot coco..
I’m still applying for jobs, a bit less the last few days… a bit tired of it… but see what happens…
© Rajinder 22/06/15

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