Regret I

wrote this a while ago, still true, but more self reflection now. Will probably add another piece sometime.

I’m going to write this,
probably going to regret later being too forward about feelings…
I’m sure I missed some parts..

I could be wrong, but sometimes
I would like to know why some things in our convo,
ends up online, some at my work and some at my home.

I have a feeling you are more than
you’re letting yourself known to me,
again I could be wrong.

Why do you hide, or stay in the shadows?

Things happen in life the unpredictable can happen,
I can’t sleep tonight up to now, many other things

Everyday, it feels like I love someone, but they don’t exist physically,
Every now and then, feels like it will lead up to something,
but then my heart gets crushed, and each time there’s less
I’m very vulnerable around people I like,
and everytime things don’t work out,
I get crushed even more and this is without having anyone..

I’m still trying to understand why you or whoever isn’t there,
what did I do so bad in a previous life or this life to cause this.

I don’t understand, you could be a person or an entity,
but its that kind of love that I need, and everyday feels like torture,
without it, tortures the mind and the heart…
and at this point its soul crushing…
I’m already fragile emotionally, and this well…
How crazy would it look if I started asking random people at work about this,
and its no one…
meanwhile I think you might have the upper hand.. and why hide,
why keep torturing someone and not tell them…

I don’t understand why love isn’t easy, why whoever it is,
can’t tell me, for months and months now,
no one is telling me for certain
its a slow form of torture in a way
as my means to try and find out fail,
I’m not socially fit…

I totally understand that the love you have or whoever has is a guide,
which is great, but how come there is no one, how come you hide?

As one customer told me this week told me on the phone randomly,
to get far in life is truth and trust….

©2015 raj

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