Tear Part I

Tear Part I

I get very emotional sometimes
maybe a bit too much lol, so if you cry,
its okay, I’ll give you a hug, lol virtual hug,
I could get all romantic and say things
like catch your tears or kiss them but….
in a friendly way cause that
would be reserved for someone you’re very close with,
A lover… or maybe family.. or at least wipe them…
with my dry torn sleeve
But I’m not reserved for that
I am not here to fill that role
like those superheroes in the movies
but he is
the man with the strong mind like iron bars
to keep evil like me locked away
The strong pale hands to move stones
to create your walkway to heaven
with the words of a real poet
singing in the streets
captivating the hearts of women
with perfect meter and rhyme
not like me crashing thoughts holding onto
the last bits and pieces of life wrought together
With nylon thread to roll with away with the wind
I am just like the ashes in your woodstove
After a night of keeping you both warm
just waiting to be scooped out by the strong hand
And thrown onto the grass in your backyard

While you both sing and wash dishes
and watch the rain fall, while one little tear
falls from your right eye
“It’s just a Tear” you tell him as it rolls down your face
he wipes it with his thumb and smiles
when you do cry a bit more
he can get their monogram tea mugs
to capture all your tears and listen
by the kitchen window

©2015-2016 Rajinder


Welcome to the Umbrella Asylum (Work in Progress)

Welcome to the Umbrella Asylum

Started off with an idea, but the more I thought about it, felt like putting a bit more of a hopeful positive spin on this. This is going to be a dysfunctional psych ward, I think it might be the first with some comic elements, I know its not nice to make fun of any topic related to this, but I’m hoping for everything to work out for everyone in this story, and there are some adult elements thrown in.

Patient 20, aka narcissist, loner, locked up for being a menace to society
Patient 13, a 6 foot man, strong built, in the ward for being unstable
Patient 15, hungry man, a human that doesn’t stop eating, and acts like a dog, attacks people for food
Patient 23, a quiet girl, absorbs everyone energy, reads and has healing properties that western science refuses to believe in.

Lenny, Psych Ward attendant extroverted person, relies heavily on conventional western science an older guy with a shaved head in his 50s, and his wife is Layla.

Layla, head nurse and Lenny’s wife. She supports Lenny’s style of therapy, though she feels bad because sometimes the patients do have points but Lenny believes in science only. Sometimes she injects a bit of fun.

Welcome to the Umbrella Asylum

This is where the society’s people that fall through the cracks
Come to stay and live for a while, mainly a reform place
They try to help people out, sometimes it works out
Other times it’s a bit more challenging

Lenny is a good person, gets caught up in his ways
His methodology, he has all his patient’s dossiers
and has prepared treatments for them
Some unconventional
Layla the head nurse, and wife of Lenny supports
Lenny’s ways but sometimes she goes around
To find out exactly what’s going on
She feels bad for the patients
She’s a bit more on the spiritual side
Lenny always says snap out of it
There is always a reason

Patient 20

Finally we locked Patient 20, they say
He won’t be bothering our girls anymore
I know, it’s about time society brought justice

He open his eyes
He’s there in the white room
Thinking its marriage, but his wrists and ankles
are bound with blond braided rope
And red blood stains of now deceased patients

Trying to break free he can’t
He’s hears the nurses behind the door
whispering, then he hears the words
Narcissist do you know what that means?
Abuser, bipolar, Mr. depression, disrespectful
Behavior problems, no means no, monster
we won all our battles, just like
How we won at everything,
And we had a good time haha
He’s picturing all these words coming out of his brain
in black letters, and being imprinted on the walls
For him to see there for the rest of his days
He can just picture them putting their hands
over their mouth, gossiping, laughing at him

He’s trying to react, but he can’t, he’s bound
And the nurses giggle, call him a’hole
finally we locked up
We are safe now girl, text your friends
He hears the distance of their heels now
Realizing they are walking away

He looks out the window, it’s raining as always
he’s overlooking the Umbrella Asylum garden
his face expressionless, his eyes teary
As usual he can’t cry, his emotions being locked up

Out in the distance he sees a colored umbrella
Approaching closely and everything else is dull
he tries struggles to free himself from the restraints
to reach the window but can’t
Its slowly making its way halfway into the garden
Stops in the middle

The umbrella been hiding the face,
now the umbrella is tilted back
And he sees her face
and he sees big blue tears
like the size of garbage bags
coming out of her eyes
and splashing onto the ground

She spins the umbrella
and keeps crying there
He’s still struggling but he can’t escape
They are keeping him locked up in here
For society’s safety

He can’t control his emotions
girls around him need a security detail
The restraint warrant wasn’t enough
So now comes the Umbrella Asylum

He doesn’t understand why in a crowd of people
In the night drinking away, and talking
When she laughs he feels it in his chest
Even if she’s not in sight and
he is able to pick up on her laugh and feel it
He really thinks he’s crazy
And probably deserves to be locked up here
For bothering her
Maybe he cares about her
Just like when people you like, friends, family
You try to hold their emotions closer

But he looks out the window
Tries to see her again
They lock eyes, but then her figure disappears
and the umbrella falls to the ground
The rain pours harder, lightning flashes
and thunder roars

2 – R for Rain

He watches the rain fall
Says to himself R for Rain
But he’s starting to forget his name
And ponders about life
A thunder bolt strikes the forest in the distance
sending chills throughout his body

Eventually he falls asleep
he dreams of a woman in a white dress
Reaching out her hand to him
From the window
but her face is masked

Then he hears the nurse unlock the door
And say medication time
‘Time for another shot of reality’ Layla says
He feels the needle in his arm

Dream Patient 20

He’s still tied up
Before the window, he wakes up its night time
He sees Lenny’s face, looking at him wide eyed
appears in the window in black and white
Smiling with his glasses on
The words of reason come out
‘Narcissist do you know what that means?’
With this famous smile and laugh, ‘hahahhahahha’
‘Nooooooooooooooooooo’ Patient 20 screams.
He falls back asleep
He wakes up again, and sees a woman’s face
She says you’re a beautiful, kind, soul,
Surprised that anyone would say that about it
He holds onto those words in this place
He wonders who is the person that thinks of him like that
Which is keeping him going through this time
Someone actually sees a bit of light in his darkened soul

Patient 13

This patient is a 6 foot tall man
Build like a tank, and works out a lot
Before being instituted
After his gym sessions he would go crazy
And start throwing dumbbells against the wall

After he would bench press male and female colleagues
against their will
So the time was for him to be locked away
He would interrupt Yoga classes
And start bench pressing the yoga instructor
Everyone would look and think this is a prank
He even made a youtube sensation for a while
At the cost of his mental degradation

But the nurses here have fun with him
Whipping him, but Lenny is working out a plan

Patient 15

He was a normal human, until one day
Stresses of life took over
And he would empty out the fridge
In his home, and eat all the food
It got to a point where he would break into
Neighbors houses and empty out their fridges
His neighbors would come home
Wondering who broke into their house
and eat all their food
This kept happening, and one day
While he was eating he saw a dog come in and eat
from his dog bowl
He jumped on the dog, and started eating with the dog
from then he learned to behave like a dog
Barking at strangers, licking people
He would run around in circles in the backyard barking
It got to a point where he started raiding grocery stores

And one day,
There were a group of people standing at a bus stop
On a busy boulevard, some citizens were playing on their phones
and all you would see is a man crossing the street
Looking right at you and not caring for oncoming cars
Then he would run and jump on you
Start licking your face and barking
And take your purse look for good and eat your lunch
right in front of your eyes scaring people

So now the nurses have a dog bowl labeled Roger the dog
near his room and slide in when its food time
Patient 23

A quiet girl, with thick blonde and brown hair
she loves reading and staying home
Its almost her second home
She’s here, cause she dreams her entire life
To the point where reality and dreams got so blurred
She wasn’t able to tell the difference anymore
Her feelings took over her like storms
Wherever she went, no one wanted to take
The time to understand her and work with her
Her parents decided that she should seek help

She always has a stack of books next to her
she lives in every story
And if a story has a sad ending
she throws it against the wall a hundred times
Until its spine breaks, she’ll rip out the pages
curse each negative page
and use it to dry her tears
but in the process
giving her face little papercuts
Then her tears sting the new cuts
Making everything worse
How much she yearns for a man
Just to catch and dry her tears for a change
She runs to the window
looking at her face, crying
thinks to herself no one likes me
For who she is
and how she dreams of being married
She imagines her lavish wedding ceremony going on
Roses of all the colors
Everything works, even her quirks
finding a man that will understand her
And her feelings is a must

She takes her markers
Draws grey hearts on the floor
and near the door while crying

Then she draws and colors in
yellow hearts on the window frame
Showing how the sun gets in
then blue hearts on the wall for each patient that is there
Including herself
Including all the men that broke her heart before
Next to her drawing by the bottom right of the window
She has a bride and groom standing there,
A short dress is drawn
green hills and the sun too
And red hearts around it
How she always dreams of getting married

But will she ever get out of here alive?

She sees the orange school bus rushing in the distance
Maybe someone is leaving or staying
So she watches by the window
the bus pulls up and the lady bus driver comes out
in business suit, and clipboard
Talking to Lenny and Layla
She sees the lady tapping on the clipboard
and signing some forms
Out comes patient 20, numbers on the front and back
In black letters, and white suit
She sees the pain in his eyes, the sadness
weighting down on him like rocks
She watches him in silence
Her heart skips a beat
she feels for him
after they let him in
she grabs her blue marker
and adds another blue heart to the wall

She sits down and thinks how she could find a magic wand
Break out of her door
fire out lightning bolts to unlock each door
and send out healing vibes
To the ward and heal everyone
so everyone can be free but its just a dream

She gets her favorite soft purple velvet book
hugs it so tightly and she goes in her corner
lies down with her knees to her chest
And smiles, this is one of her better days

to be continued

©2016 Rajinder

The Night Boulevard

I drive along the boulevard in the night
All the amber street lights in a long line
Sometimes you just never know
If the wind will pick up
The studs and nuts can rust
and the lamp post falls
I’m about to reverse but
All the lights explode sending sparks everywhere
But the sparks slowly revealing
a figure that’s always been waiting in the night
Walking towards me reaching out
I get out of my car and watch the figure
come towards me slowly
The sparks around the figure swirl around
To reveal a girl, whom I know too well
She smiles, and extends her hands and
Sends out multicolored hearts formed of sparks
Into my cold chest, lighting it up
With her supernatural power

The post goes back up
She comes come close and kisses me
The city lights come on again, brighter this time

© 2016 npfd

Lost at Sea

If you are floating in the ocean
with your white dress
and blond, brown hair floating
The heartbroken widow
I’m just heartbroken
But you’re bleeding in the water
The sharks encircling around you
Getting closer and closer

If you’re too heartbroken to move
I’ll shape shift into a large eagle
Spot you from afar and bring you home

If I come by boat, I’ll row back home
if I could only be the power of nature
I’ll create pulsating waves to push you to shore
If not, I’ll freeze the ocean of the world
So the sharks stay below the ice
And I can get you back on horseback
Heal your heart, bring you home

Let you rest by the crackling fireplace
While preparing hot cocoa and marshmallows
Cover you in plaid red and black wool blankets
Lie next to you and hold you through the night
Share the warmth and kiss your lips and heart
Watch each other smile as we sleep in our warm embrace

© 2016 npfd

View from the Six

I heard the widow’s heart break
into six pieces last night
What broke her heart I don’t know
Could I have had done wrong?
Did my short fuse blow six times?
I didn’t say the right words?

I have no way to reach her now
She’s untouchable, the only thing I could do
Is think about her when there is a moment
I stand alone before the window pane
Rain drops on the glass
You know the tears on the glass
Are always there
Everyone’s tears of the world,
mine originating from the heart
Maybe one day I’ll be able to cry outside
Not only on the inside

I wait and take a few moments to watch the world

From the north I see a woman walk from the parking lot
With her baby in her right arm
wearing a white coat, and a light purple hat
All cute, I think about how in the morning
Her tummy might have been growling while
she spoon feeds her child sitting in the high chair
In their kitchen
Before that thought of her waking up her baby
Cleaning her and waking her up to the world

Then I see a woman entering from the south
With a red umbrella and brown knee high boots
And black outfit

You know everyone has their thoughts, lonely moments
being alone against the pane make me realize
How alone sometimes we all are waiting

I gaze to the streets, the service road
I see all the cars going, like ants
like clockwork to work, just like I did too

Out in the distance I see the last little forest
Left near the populous mall
Later on I think the widow is out there
In her white dress, with pink flowers at the base
now slightly marred by mud on this rainy day

Running around walking around in the woods
jumping over dead logs of years ago
While holding her skirt up a bit
To lessen the stains from the earth

She happily knocks on dead tree trunks
Just like where we spent most of our time
Helping others, profit off their pages

For our pages, out of love
If our pages were binded
we would be holding hands
Twin flames running through the woods
Lighting the torches to keep us warm
On a cold day
Watching the flowers, bushes, trees
Of seeds we planted
Protecting each other from the malevolent of this world

But here I am in the gold tinted glass building
Watching over the world and waiting

You said to me the thought that counts
Sometimes I wish you knew how many thoughts
I had and have, and would like
to know your thoughts
A lot of them I can’t say
In the fleeting moments that pass us by
I’m too slow on a daily basis
Frozen by your beauty
messages like ships in the night
Only there to transport cargo for others
Not for ourselves
if there was a direct way to reach out
My hands reaching into the dark
maybe you’ll take hold of it again
Even then it would take many sittings
This isn’t something I can just tell you
In one word
especially when its matters of the heart

Our initials are there, in the trees
The rain slowly filling the holes

I’ll gladly find and pick up
the six pieces of your heart
And take whatever pieces are left of mine
In the forest and fuse them back together
with the sap from the pine trees

And put that bigger heart inside your chest
To help you forget the day out in the woods today
in the cold, damp, and fog

As we heal each other this evening
You smile so brightly
Lighting a thousand fires around the world
And in our new heart,
which grows steadfastly in your chest
All the dams that was withholding water in the mountains
Break open to supply the land with water so the towns can
live on again
The initials being carved in the rocks of time

Unique twin flame connection doesn’t change
You happily let out your web in the forest, and
happily jump from tree to tree,
Left to right, to center so fast I can’t even keep track
while spreading your web all excited
the spiderlady you are
You’re making home for us
After the initial excitement you come near me
and like a spider with your limbs tickle me
so much that I fall softly to the ground in your arms
And finally we’re able to rest in the grass
Talk to each other with no filter or restraint
About our feelings for one another
Smiling in each’s other arms

Kissing the dampness out of our bodies
licking the wounds of the day
massaging the tension out of our tired muscles
Caressing the scars of life on our skin
And kissing the night away

© 2016 npfd

Lemon in the garden of love

Somewhere I read a tile of a song
Titled Lemon in the garden of love
It always makes me think
I’m just a lemon in the garden of love
I’m Living proof
Unable to act on society’s stage
So there you go lemon go sit the corner
And think of how to make yourself extroverted
While the cool kids are quick, snappy
Have people following them
Everyone is different,
The need for leaders is there
Quiet ones too, but

It’s okay to be a lemon in the garden of love
So others can squeeze your heart like a lemon
And use the juice for their own love lives

I’m just a lemon in the garden of love
its something you know, something that happens

But a part of me does believe in soul mates
do you believe in soul mates?
Someone that can make a difference
See the best parts in you
If you can find someone who can see you
without judgement and see the good parts
And help you give you the room to do that
Then we can made some great lemonade out of it
And drink with each other
Till we’re all buzzed out in each’s others arms
away from those people
enjoying our love under the endless stars
The stars are always watching
We may not think of it during the day
But they are always shining

© 2016 npfd

Midnight Correspondence

I guess I’ll never know about the midnight correspondence
In the night, who stayed up late, typing away at each other

we’re tearing the keys off the keyboard
and throwing it at each other
other times caress each other faces and hearts
With soft key touches
and help each other out

Writing correspondence news I would hear,
I did it cause I really believe in the person
I told them everything honestly
Thought That there was someone on the other end
Still do…

© 2016 npfd

White Widow’s Midnight

Last the night, I felt her presence inside me
I heard the cries of the white widow woman
Which awoken me from my odd dreams
I am half awake, I still hear her screams
echoing off the surrounding sequoia trees
The ones we grew in our land
I see our initials there, filled with frost
Where did she go? I ask myself
I hear her shriek again,
This time my heart jumps, and all I could hear
is violent heart beat
I follow the sound of her voice
I remember a time when she’s mad at me
her tone of voice made me jump in my skin
Upon arriving at the lake
I see her dress near the bottom of lake
reflecting in the full moonlight
I wouldn’t let her fall to the bottom of the lake
In her white dress with pink flowers at the base of the dress
And her blond and brown hair dancing in the water
The leaves from last year still on the border of the lady
Waiting for the sun to decompose
But new leaves always grow from the trees
We planted seeds a year ago
Off I do, dive into the cold water of April
-3 degree Celsius night temperature
I feel the cold water around me,
Reminds me of all the time I left her behind
I know how her heart feels beating slowly in the cold
The icy cold hands of winter holding her heart

Slowing her heartbeat and eventually wanting to stop its pulse
To squeeze her heart of all life
While the demons eager to feast off human’s heart blood
I finally swim to reach her, I see her petite figure
In the dark depths of the lake

Her figure almost there to the demons of the underworld
I see their red eyes, just waiting to grasp her
and to never let her go
I push harder to swim to her
Finally I grab hold of her arm
Her body very cold
I try to swim up, but there is resistance
One of the demons grabbed her ankle
I’m unable to counteract them

Without letting go, I kick the demon’s hand
luckily they let go,
Finally I’m able to swim and bring her to shore
I lay her at the edge of the earth now
Lying in the dead grass of spring
Perform the cpr on her
Unsure if she’ll come back to life
She does, barely, coughs up the water

I finally grab hold of her,
She opens her eyes in shock of where she is
After holding her and hugging her for a while
She’s at ease now
I ask her how she feels, she says she’s okay
I check her ankle and see the bruise mark
I ask her if she’s in pain she says she’s very cold
Off I go in search of wood for the fire
I find an old maple tree, I grew a long time ago
When I was younger
I cut off several branches of my own tree, and make a fire near her
The smoke rises in the night
like during a couple’s fight
I lie next to her, to share all the warmth that I have
The fire slowly heats us both
I feel warmth in her skin again
She smiles, relieved to live through another stormy night
I caress her hair, I see the leaves of last year in her hair
But I hope she keeps me,
as I failed to protect her from the demons
so we can play in the leaves this upcoming fall
The moonlight shines on her face
She talks to me now, her voice soothes my being
now that she is okay and will live
her eyes glow like never before,
Tears reflecting joy in the moonlight
I kiss her tears goodnight
There is a calmness in her eyes
To me the night is black all around her
The moonlight from heaven shines on one of her angel’s

© 2016 npfd

Her working chair

I sit in her work chair
Afraid that she’ll beat me with the ruler
I probably deserved it in all fun
Maybe she’ll taser me with her electricity
Her battery fully charged for me

And maybe she will just love me for who I am
While sharing the electric currents in her heart
Which radiate throughout her body
and into mine when she holds my hand

She inked her initials on my heart
I sit here, thinking of how intertwining
Our initials will bring

© 2016 npfd

White Window Widow

I know you stand there every evening
By the old white framed window in your bedroom
Your eyes reflecting in the window
You watch the rain fall on this rainy evening

Every tear on the window,
is every night you cried alone
I have too, lied in bed, shed a couple of tears
because of the pain of being left behind cold and alone

Lighting strikes out in the distance
The accumulated rage being let out from the sky
been withheld for years
Finally strikes a branch in the distance
And sets it on fire, but the fire is extinguished
By the sadness our hearts feel
But in time a new branch will grow with us

If I were to look at the window more closely
I’ll see that the white paint is chipping away
Due to the years of previous lovers leaving
your heart behind,
The mold growing outside the window
The fatigue of cleaning up after losses
A cracked window pane, of old wounds
When the lovers walked out the door
Because you wanted to reach out to them
To stop before leaving but they didn’t

You’re dressed in your white wedding dress
Dreams of being married, as do I
But let me say that,
When your hand reached mine
You’re taking me into another world
I felt that despite all that heartbreak you faced
You are strong enough to face that window
Day after day, night after night
And reach through to me in this outside world

Where I roam about, a lost boy with a short fuse
Let’s clean the mold off the outside window frame
With some water and vinegar
Let’s replace the cracked window pane
So we can peer from inside
To see the outside world clearer
We will repaint the window frame
Which makes it smoother
for as words and feelings to exchange between us
Let me hold you and kiss your cheeks
To heal those old wounds
Let me reach inside your chest
And hold your heart for a while
And pulsate your heart with my fingers to heal
and feel warm again

Let me walk into your room
put that overdue engagement ring on your finger
But I feel this as a soul connection
Once in forever
and we’ll watch our tree in the distance grow its branch back
The sun will rise to renew the land again
Our hearts as one to live on forever

© 2016 npfd