Widow’s Cave

part of a longer series, inspiration for love

After she tells me where to find her
I stand in her grey cave, waiting for her
In the high mountains of Europe

I see her web is all over the place
But from what I know about her
Every thread strewn is there for a reason
Some pathways to her lair
Some to escape in case of danger

I touch the web, soft as her heart
and very sticky, like the sap from the trees
I could wrap myself in her web and wait

I walk around, pick up stones
Some we carved our initials years ago
I examine them, take some time to enjoy the scenery

I hear her come down from the grey ceiling
her famous way of showing herself
she is all happy to see me waiting for her

Her eight legs moving in haste
She stands before me
In her 20 eyes, in some I see the reflection of myself
I see the need to know, pain, tears, knowledge, joy, love
I look deeply into her eyes and see her

Her eyes begin to tear before me
With my hands I try to cup her tears
But there are way too many, falling out of my hands
and onto the rocks,
reminds me of the times I wasn’t there
To catch the tears she cried

I catch as many as I can and try to understand
What each tear means for her
I feel most of her pain
I hug her, my clothes drenched in her tears
But I can feel her heart calming down

After she smiles, and her legs wave in the air
And one caresses my mind
Seeking all the knowledge,
getting into my head
One caresses the right side of my body
To find out what’s happened to me
Throughout this lifetime
The next leg caresses my left side
teaching me to be more patient and compassionate
Towards myself and the world
another leg feels my heart softly
And she knows there is some pain that lures inside

She then magically proceeds to transform herself
Into a small spider, enters my heart
and begins sewing back my open wounds with her web
I begin to see white

I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up
With her sleeping right next to me
That’s the true love we both seek in each other
A raw and unfiltered love

©2016 npfd

Six Pieces of widow’s heart

It is another grey, foggy rainy day
I am near the entrance of the forest
searching for the six pieces of her heart

As I approach the entrance I find one piece
beating slowly, marred by the daily struggles

I look for the second piece
Its in a small dark nook which I reach inside
Its hard to pull out been there so many years
Covered with decomposing leaves and mud

The third piece
is on the ground near the bear
I tread carefully not to stir trouble
Fresh claw marks on this piece
I wrap it in white cloth

The fourth piece is on a rock facing north
With moss growing on it
I remove the piece wash the piece with fresh water

The fifth piece is facing south
charred by old flames
I find some love from my heart
to revitalize it

The sixth piece is in the center of the forest
In the highest tree, taking in as much light and water
to stay alive
I climb the tree
Almost lose my footing
to fend off the vultures

I rush back to the log cabin in the forest
I see the smoke from the chimney still
I hope the logs I put in stove are still burning
To keep her warm

I open the door hastily
And leave the pieces of her heart on the workbench
I rush to see her, I place my hand on her forehead
She’s still here on earth, she smiles at me
I caress her face, and ask her if she needs anything
she says she’s okay

I race back to the workbench
Piece her heart together, with my heart
with thread, tree sap
and place it in her chest
She smiles as I hold her hand and kiss

© 2016 npfd

The Night Boulevard

I drive along the boulevard in the night
All the amber street lights in a long line
Sometimes you just never know
If the wind will pick up
The studs and nuts can rust
and the lamp post falls
I’m about to reverse but
All the lights explode sending sparks everywhere
But the sparks slowly revealing
a figure that’s always been waiting in the night
Walking towards me reaching out
I get out of my car and watch the figure
come towards me slowly
The sparks around the figure swirl around
To reveal a girl, whom I know too well
She smiles, and extends her hands and
Sends out multicolored hearts formed of sparks
Into my cold chest, lighting it up
With her supernatural power

The post goes back up
She comes come close and kisses me
The city lights come on again, brighter this time

© 2016 npfd

View from the Six

I heard the widow’s heart break
into six pieces last night
What broke her heart I don’t know
Could I have had done wrong?
Did my short fuse blow six times?
I didn’t say the right words?

I have no way to reach her now
She’s untouchable, the only thing I could do
Is think about her when there is a moment
I stand alone before the window pane
Rain drops on the glass
You know the tears on the glass
Are always there
Everyone’s tears of the world,
mine originating from the heart
Maybe one day I’ll be able to cry outside
Not only on the inside

I wait and take a few moments to watch the world

From the north I see a woman walk from the parking lot
With her baby in her right arm
wearing a white coat, and a light purple hat
All cute, I think about how in the morning
Her tummy might have been growling while
she spoon feeds her child sitting in the high chair
In their kitchen
Before that thought of her waking up her baby
Cleaning her and waking her up to the world

Then I see a woman entering from the south
With a red umbrella and brown knee high boots
And black outfit

You know everyone has their thoughts, lonely moments
being alone against the pane make me realize
How alone sometimes we all are waiting

I gaze to the streets, the service road
I see all the cars going, like ants
like clockwork to work, just like I did too

Out in the distance I see the last little forest
Left near the populous mall
Later on I think the widow is out there
In her white dress, with pink flowers at the base
now slightly marred by mud on this rainy day

Running around walking around in the woods
jumping over dead logs of years ago
While holding her skirt up a bit
To lessen the stains from the earth

She happily knocks on dead tree trunks
Just like where we spent most of our time
Helping others, profit off their pages

For our pages, out of love
If our pages were binded
we would be holding hands
Twin flames running through the woods
Lighting the torches to keep us warm
On a cold day
Watching the flowers, bushes, trees
Of seeds we planted
Protecting each other from the malevolent of this world

But here I am in the gold tinted glass building
Watching over the world and waiting

You said to me the thought that counts
Sometimes I wish you knew how many thoughts
I had and have, and would like
to know your thoughts
A lot of them I can’t say
In the fleeting moments that pass us by
I’m too slow on a daily basis
Frozen by your beauty
messages like ships in the night
Only there to transport cargo for others
Not for ourselves
if there was a direct way to reach out
My hands reaching into the dark
maybe you’ll take hold of it again
Even then it would take many sittings
This isn’t something I can just tell you
In one word
especially when its matters of the heart

Our initials are there, in the trees
The rain slowly filling the holes

I’ll gladly find and pick up
the six pieces of your heart
And take whatever pieces are left of mine
In the forest and fuse them back together
with the sap from the pine trees

And put that bigger heart inside your chest
To help you forget the day out in the woods today
in the cold, damp, and fog

As we heal each other this evening
You smile so brightly
Lighting a thousand fires around the world
And in our new heart,
which grows steadfastly in your chest
All the dams that was withholding water in the mountains
Break open to supply the land with water so the towns can
live on again
The initials being carved in the rocks of time

Unique twin flame connection doesn’t change
You happily let out your web in the forest, and
happily jump from tree to tree,
Left to right, to center so fast I can’t even keep track
while spreading your web all excited
the spiderlady you are
You’re making home for us
After the initial excitement you come near me
and like a spider with your limbs tickle me
so much that I fall softly to the ground in your arms
And finally we’re able to rest in the grass
Talk to each other with no filter or restraint
About our feelings for one another
Smiling in each’s other arms

Kissing the dampness out of our bodies
licking the wounds of the day
massaging the tension out of our tired muscles
Caressing the scars of life on our skin
And kissing the night away

© 2016 npfd

White Widow’s Midnight

Last the night, I felt her presence inside me
I heard the cries of the white widow woman
Which awoken me from my odd dreams
I am half awake, I still hear her screams
echoing off the surrounding sequoia trees
The ones we grew in our land
I see our initials there, filled with frost
Where did she go? I ask myself
I hear her shriek again,
This time my heart jumps, and all I could hear
is violent heart beat
I follow the sound of her voice
I remember a time when she’s mad at me
her tone of voice made me jump in my skin
Upon arriving at the lake
I see her dress near the bottom of lake
reflecting in the full moonlight
I wouldn’t let her fall to the bottom of the lake
In her white dress with pink flowers at the base of the dress
And her blond and brown hair dancing in the water
The leaves from last year still on the border of the lady
Waiting for the sun to decompose
But new leaves always grow from the trees
We planted seeds a year ago
Off I do, dive into the cold water of April
-3 degree Celsius night temperature
I feel the cold water around me,
Reminds me of all the time I left her behind
I know how her heart feels beating slowly in the cold
The icy cold hands of winter holding her heart

Slowing her heartbeat and eventually wanting to stop its pulse
To squeeze her heart of all life
While the demons eager to feast off human’s heart blood
I finally swim to reach her, I see her petite figure
In the dark depths of the lake

Her figure almost there to the demons of the underworld
I see their red eyes, just waiting to grasp her
and to never let her go
I push harder to swim to her
Finally I grab hold of her arm
Her body very cold
I try to swim up, but there is resistance
One of the demons grabbed her ankle
I’m unable to counteract them

Without letting go, I kick the demon’s hand
luckily they let go,
Finally I’m able to swim and bring her to shore
I lay her at the edge of the earth now
Lying in the dead grass of spring
Perform the cpr on her
Unsure if she’ll come back to life
She does, barely, coughs up the water

I finally grab hold of her,
She opens her eyes in shock of where she is
After holding her and hugging her for a while
She’s at ease now
I ask her how she feels, she says she’s okay
I check her ankle and see the bruise mark
I ask her if she’s in pain she says she’s very cold
Off I go in search of wood for the fire
I find an old maple tree, I grew a long time ago
When I was younger
I cut off several branches of my own tree, and make a fire near her
The smoke rises in the night
like during a couple’s fight
I lie next to her, to share all the warmth that I have
The fire slowly heats us both
I feel warmth in her skin again
She smiles, relieved to live through another stormy night
I caress her hair, I see the leaves of last year in her hair
But I hope she keeps me,
as I failed to protect her from the demons
so we can play in the leaves this upcoming fall
The moonlight shines on her face
She talks to me now, her voice soothes my being
now that she is okay and will live
her eyes glow like never before,
Tears reflecting joy in the moonlight
I kiss her tears goodnight
There is a calmness in her eyes
To me the night is black all around her
The moonlight from heaven shines on one of her angel’s

© 2016 npfd

Her working chair

I sit in her work chair
Afraid that she’ll beat me with the ruler
I probably deserved it in all fun
Maybe she’ll taser me with her electricity
Her battery fully charged for me

And maybe she will just love me for who I am
While sharing the electric currents in her heart
Which radiate throughout her body
and into mine when she holds my hand

She inked her initials on my heart
I sit here, thinking of how intertwining
Our initials will bring

© 2016 npfd

White Window Widow

I know you stand there every evening
By the old white framed window in your bedroom
Your eyes reflecting in the window
You watch the rain fall on this rainy evening

Every tear on the window,
is every night you cried alone
I have too, lied in bed, shed a couple of tears
because of the pain of being left behind cold and alone

Lighting strikes out in the distance
The accumulated rage being let out from the sky
been withheld for years
Finally strikes a branch in the distance
And sets it on fire, but the fire is extinguished
By the sadness our hearts feel
But in time a new branch will grow with us

If I were to look at the window more closely
I’ll see that the white paint is chipping away
Due to the years of previous lovers leaving
your heart behind,
The mold growing outside the window
The fatigue of cleaning up after losses
A cracked window pane, of old wounds
When the lovers walked out the door
Because you wanted to reach out to them
To stop before leaving but they didn’t

You’re dressed in your white wedding dress
Dreams of being married, as do I
But let me say that,
When your hand reached mine
You’re taking me into another world
I felt that despite all that heartbreak you faced
You are strong enough to face that window
Day after day, night after night
And reach through to me in this outside world

Where I roam about, a lost boy with a short fuse
Let’s clean the mold off the outside window frame
With some water and vinegar
Let’s replace the cracked window pane
So we can peer from inside
To see the outside world clearer
We will repaint the window frame
Which makes it smoother
for as words and feelings to exchange between us
Let me hold you and kiss your cheeks
To heal those old wounds
Let me reach inside your chest
And hold your heart for a while
And pulsate your heart with my fingers to heal
and feel warm again

Let me walk into your room
put that overdue engagement ring on your finger
But I feel this as a soul connection
Once in forever
and we’ll watch our tree in the distance grow its branch back
The sun will rise to renew the land again
Our hearts as one to live on forever

© 2016 npfd

 

A fiery touch

I never thought that shaking your hand
Meant that you would reach out and hold onto mine
for a while
My first reaction is that this is something new

Felt like being touched by an angel
I feel you’ll bring me no harm
But a sanctuary in this world
I would like to know how to make you feel the same
I’m probably over analyzing
But for the first time in my life,
I felt like you wanted to hold on
A girl wanted to hold my hand
for the first time and for that moment

We can create more, an infinite amount
whether anyone still believes in souls anymore
Or do I belong in the psychiatric ward?

I would tell you that even talking to you
and we are not fully revealing our true selves
I feel a sense of calm, just being in your presence
And since the touch of your hand set my heart on fire

I could only wonder what will happen
If I’m not dreaming, your fiery touch

If you were to lay your hand on my heart
I know I would feel at ease
My heart won’t beat so violently alone
And I could sleep the night in your arms
Underneath the starry sky

We could say every star in the night
Is a frozen tear suspended in the sky
Just waiting for the heat
To melt and rain into the night
So we can wash away all our sorrows
And watch the sun rise
Feel the heat on our skin
Yours paler than mine

The rain falls like lights all around us
from the sky
Illuminating every joy in our lives

And our hearts can crash into each other
Again, again and again
Burn bright in the night
As forest fires bring about new life
Sowing the seeds for tomorrow
Will grow stronger trees
To our secrets safe from the dark world outside

But our initials and hearts will be carved into the bark
Of the sequoia trees
We can write our stories in stone
If it comes to this, we can bear new life for us all

© 2016 npfd